Tomorrow

I think to myself, tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow I’ll wake up, read, pray, write, love, care, seek, forgive…. But does it actually happen? 

I think to myself, I’ll do that later- after I finish my homework. I’ll do that later- once I finish this episode. I’ll do that in an hour- when I’m not scrolling through pinterest. And here I am. Hours- days-weeks- months later and I’m still saying “Tomorrow.” 

But today? What happened to the right now? To this time that I continue to waste on the needless, senseless junk. For what does it do but leave me feeling insignificant, unworthy, and not enough. 

For today is all we have. And today is when I am no longer telling myself tomorrow. 

For today is when my eyes are open to see the beauty that surrounds. 

Beauty. 

I think the most beautiful thing of all is being able to see the beauty in the small. For it requires focus and patience- areas in life that continually need to be examined, analyzed, and kept in check. 

How does one see the beauty in the ringing of the bell if it is the time we are chasing?

How do we begin to slow down and look at the moments that don't seem beautiful at all?

I do believe there is beauty to be found, not necessarily created. 

Everything is good. And everything was made by a perfect Artist. 

So I don't think that we should be focused on going and seeing and doing the next beautiful thing, but rather the most beautiful thing to do, or see, is take in the beauty that is here and now, the beauty that is encompassing us, but our eyes fail to gaze upon. 

Beauty is here. 

Beauty is now. 

Beauty surrounds us.

Beauty is in us. 

Brokenness to Thankfulness to Joy

These past few weeks have been hard. I've experienced some high high's and low low's. Right now it just seems like I'm stuck. I'm stuck in this rut of worry, fear, and frustration. While I think about everything to come, my body only seems to respond in tears. I'm worried about the future. What's going to happen in the next year. What about the next semester. Everyone keeps asking me the questions, "Are you transferring?" "Are you staying?" "Are you playing volleyball?" All I can say is I don't know, because I don't. And that frustrates me. I am the type of person that has to have everything written out. Each week is planned, Sunday to Saturday. This is what my schedule looked like today:

Wednesday:
8:00-9:00- Wake up/Get ready/Leave
9:00-10:00- Give Presentation
10:00-11:00- Work on Position Papers
11:00-12:00-Math Review
12:00-1:00- Math Extra Credit
1:00-2:00- Summary of A Farewell to Arms
2:00-3:00- Ready for pictures
3:00-4:00- Devo's 
4:00-5:00- Roommate Pictures
....... It goes on until midnight. 
You understand? So it's hard saying I don't know. I can continue to say I'm praying. I'm trusting. I'm learning to become patient. But am I really? Praying is hard. I can feel myself putting up a wall between myself and my God... Why? I have had great talks with friends, I go to extra worship services (I'm not saying this to say "Look at me. Look at what I do," but merely because I've been seeking ways to see a light again.) But each time I walk away feeling more drained. 

My heart hurts. I long to be home, with family. But at the same time I long to be in solitude, to find rest away from the hustle and bustle of going and doing something every second. I'm worn. I feel on edge every second of every day. I wonder what people think when they look at me. Do they see a girl seemingly happy all the time. A smile that's genuine? Or do they see a broken heart. A smile stained with last nights tears. 

But today. Right now. That changes.

In this season of dryness, I have forgotten to look around me and see the many blessings that are surrounding me. Ann Voskamp says, "Being joyful isn't what makes you grateful. Being grateful is what makes you joyful." I've been looking for joy in all the wrong places. Yes, having good conversations and worshipping is GREAT, but done with the wrong intentions can leave us just as it left me: feeling lonely and drained. When we open our eyes to the ways God is continuing to bless us, our hearts can't help but turn to him in praise and thankfulness. 

I may not be healed completely but through this my God WILL be glorified. "Our weakness is a vessel for his power and our flaws a canvas for his grace." This quote is written on a post-it note on my computer. It reminds me that even though I may not feel whole right in this moment, I can put my hope in the God of restoration and deliverance. 

I am choosing to no longer set my mind on the worries, fears, and frustrations of this world, but I am choosing to find peace and rest in my savior. Amongst the go go go of this season I am choosing to find solitude and completeness in the presence of my God. 

I am choosing to be THANKFUL. 

So right now I am thankful for: 

My family: 

Parents that love me. 

My sweet sister who makes the weirdest, funniest comments. 

My roommates:

4 months ago we were all strangers. And now they're my best friends. 

My best friend:

He loves Jesus, a lot. 

He has such a tender heart and leads me with a strong, sure hand towards our Father's throne.  

Friendships:

 That have left my belly hurting from laughing so hard. 

That remind me again and again of our Father's sweet love. 

  

The chance to serve:

Quito, Ecuador. The week that changed my life. 

Younglife. Pouring into the lives of younger girls. 

The tears are gone. The brokenness is becoming whole again. My heart is being mending by the God who created it. 

Be Strong and Courageous

     This past weekend I had my orientation for college! It left me excited, but extremely nervous as to what would part take in my life these next few years and beyond. While doing my Bible study on Saturday I read this verse: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." That is found in Joshua 1:9. It is what God says to Joshua after Moses' death. Just as Christ was there for Joshua in his time of need, Christ is there for us whenever we need Him.

     

     This verse stripped away all anxiety, nervousness and discouragement. I have a God who is walking with me wherever I go. How great it is to know that we will NEVER be alone?

    

     Jeremiah 29:11 says, ""For i know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."" God has seen the situations we have went through, the situations we are currently going through, and the situations we will go through. And you know what? At the end of the day, we have a hope that nonbelievers don't have. The promise of spending eternity with God in heaven. 

^^ God is such an awesome artist!

The Power of Prayer

These last few days have just been incredible. Yesterday, I spent with my older brother, which was awesome! Lately, any quality time I can get with any of my siblings I will take in a heart beat. We went to Wally-World, a car dealership, a coffee shop and some antique stores. It was so much fun. THEN I got to spend more time with my brother AND sister! I kept pinching myself because this does not happen very often. I got to snap a few pictures of my beautiful sister and her beautiful friend! They have such a natural beauty that I admire. Here are a few of my favorites....

 ^^^ Caught her while she was tripping. Ha ha. 

This past week I've really been focusing on praying and studying the Word daily, with an emphasis on praying. Matthew 7:7 says, "Ask, and it will be given to you; Seek, and you will find; Knock, and it will be opened to you." I've had something on my mind for the past few weeks that I decided to just completely turn over to the Lord.  Ever since then, I've felt such a peace over the whole situation. God has given me such guidance over everything and it has been such an eye-opener. 

The power of prayer... 

Keeping The Faith

This week has been so incredibly busy. I feel as if graduation parties, working and summer camps have been running my life. Today, while I was working- I mow lawns with my dad- I was listening to my Hillsong United station on pandora and the song In Christ Alone by the Newsboys came on. I've heard this song multiple times but today the lyrics just completely tangled themselves around my heart. Just read them...

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

1. When reading that first sentence... mind = blown. I've been realizing lately that these worldly things are nothing compared to Jesus. So why should I put my happiness, hope and devotion into those 'things' when they will continually fail me? Christ gives us hope beyond this world. In 2 Thessalonians 2:16 it says, "May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope."

2. What love God our Father has shown us! Sending His one and only son to die for our sins?! And more than that, He laid his full wrath onto Jesus Christ! A wrath that was meant to be for us and our sins. Jesus Christ, fully God and fully man, sinless and pure took on God's wrath for us. Doesn't that just make you want to shout out your love for the Lord?! Or to fall on your face in thankfulness?!

I love when Jesus sends me a little reminder throughout the day of how sovereign He is.

Have a blessed day!

That Spirit-Filled Lifestyle

Hi everybody! I've been wanting to start a blog for awhile now but I didn't know what I would write about, what I should name it, etc. Today, I began a study with an older lady from my church about relying on the Holy Spirit and I can tell already my relationship with the Lord will grow by leaps and bounds by this. So I decided, why not make this blog about Him? After all, everything we do we are to do it for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). I love reading and writing blogs, so why not dedicate this to the Lord?

While reading the introduction I was completely awe-struck by some of the things Charles Stanley says.  The link to read this book is here, I would highly recommend it! If I could write the whole Introduction, I would but I'll just share some of my favorite parts...

"The Spirit-Filled life is the only way for a Christian to experience all that God has for a person to be, say and do. It is life to the fullest, the true abundant life that Jesus promised."

John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

"God doesn't call you or anyone to just an adequate Christian life. He desires to have a daily walking-and-talking relationship with you in which you experience His presence, trust Him for wisdom, courage, and strength, and rely on Him for results..."

And here is my favorite..

"The Lord desires to live within you. He desires to communicate to you and through you. He desires to live out His life through your expression of it- a perfect blending of His perfection and your unique talents, traits and personality."

How great is our God! He is so awesome! Ahhhh, I just want to go share His love with everyone around me!

I hope you all have a Spirit-filled day!